i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i out mim tonsoeep
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