people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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