The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
