Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
