The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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