Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
