the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You dont lie about slip and slides
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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