Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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