I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
last night I used snow as a chaser
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
