maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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