We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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