grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
