Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
