Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My vagina just clenched in fear
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
