if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
