He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
