Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
