I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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