I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you never un-have a 4some
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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