Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
