You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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