College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
