Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We named our party play list daddy issues
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
