So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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