Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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