I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
