How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I fill condoms, not promises.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
