The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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