I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
