Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
