I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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