I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
