1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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