I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
