Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
