i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
