"it" just moved
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
