I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
