Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
