this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
