Rock
Scissors
Fuck
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
