We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My feet surprised me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
