Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You pole danced in your parka.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
