barbara walters just said penis...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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