My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
