I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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