I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
