i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
