Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Let's paint friendship bongs
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
