It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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